Poem - Become who you are

Become who you are

I feel like a bird that's forgotten to fly
With great trepidation of heart
That only has instinct on which to rely
But no confidence in knowing the right way to start

I know I have wings, they're light and so free
And I look at the currents of air swirl away
But to launch out unsure and let myself be
Taken up on them, is beyond my ability today.

Its all I can do to watch others fly
Safe in my uncertainly fragile mind state
Remembering the feelings of joy in the sky
But grounded, I'm left with a pained aftertaste

Feelings are children, they hurt and they bleed
And wait for the night when they hide among dreams
Be mother and father, speak to them softly
Give them the love you can give to them only

Then with confident wing spread abandon
You'll take the first step off the rail
And become who you are, a bird soaring greatly
Majestic, with glory and freedom in trail

Bible study note - Romans 16

@CrownofChrist: He is able to establish you http://bible.us/n/Eawx Shared via TweetCaster

The dreaded words....

I hate hearing them. They're a sign of impending doom for me. Those dreaded words. It means minutes of agonizing searching, hours of living with those other words, "I told you so", and days of sly looks from my other half.

The words are " It's wherever you put it last". Let me explain. The words I say before this lethal sentence go something like this:

"have you seen my wallet (substitute keys / jacket / laptop / shoes / blank DVDs / phone / book ! )

To which the merciless response comes - " It's wherever you put it last". There is no known defence to this answer for the male brain, it leaves us hopelessly, utterly stumped. Floundering in a maze of my own making, I desperately try to retrace my steps, hoping against hope that I might somehow stumble upon the thing i've lost.

finally, I admit defeat. I come, meek and broken, back to her. "I can't find it. I've been looking for ages", I whimper.

She sighs, gets up and disappears. Seconds later she comes in and throws the thing I've spent what feels like an eternity looking for right at me. How did she do it!??! Suspicions enter my mind. She must have hidden it from me! Maybe she has some secret 'thing' finding device, and won't let me use it, ever. But it happens so often that i'm forced to admit that, no, she doesn't have any of those things. She just....knows. she always knows!

Living in limbo

So I came out of hospital at the beginning of October, and have been off work ever since, on sick leave (paid!). They gave me the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which as I understand it, is not compatible with service life (I'm in the RAF). The military aren't obliged to abide by the disability discrimination act, so they are free to discharge anyone with a disability that they feel is not going to be able to contribute to the service way of life.

I'm not angry about this, I understand why the military has to do it, the nature of the job being what it is and all that. But what I find more difficult than anything else is the not knowing, the inbetween times that I find myself in. I'm not allowed to work, but I'm not free to pursue other employment. I have to wait until a medical board sits to determine whether I am allowed to stay in the raf or not. This is in February.

So, what to do? I've come up with 5 things that give me some focus, under the handy acronym RELAX!

R - Reading. Making sure I keep my mind occupied so it doesn't atrophy. Novels as well as non fiction. It's important to visualise when reading, and novels give me that opportunity.

E - Exercise. Giving my body a workout is essential if I'm going to stay motivated. It's too easy to vegetate. If I can put myself through the pain of exercise, I'll notice the gain in other areas too

L - listening. It's important to listen to your thoughts, to your spouse or family. But also taking the time to listen to God, and his agenda in your life. Then you can match the beat of your own heart to his will.

A - Aim for a goal. Whether that be a small or large goal, feeling that you've made some progress will spur you on to bigger achievements.

X - X-itement! Do something spontaneous, don't let your day become so planned and meticulous that it has no room for something coming out of the blue. Remember, blessed are the flexible, because they will never be bent out of shape!

All the gear, no idea

You've seen the type. You may have even been the type. I know I have at some point.

You see him in the gym, or the new club he's joined, kitted out with the latest in the fashionable must have season-ware. Brand new everything, he smells of new polyester as he saunters his way past, listening to his new tunes on the latest ipod. He makes his way to the weight lifting section, admiring his new haircut in the mirror. Everything is perfect. He's had the latest in protein drinks, the newest in nitric oxide power anaerobic pills with added pizaz! Finally he's ready to start some serious training. He reaches down to set the barbell up for use, and....

He glances a quick look out of the corner of his eye. No-ones looking. How do these things work? What are you supposed to do? Seeing one already set up, he quickly goes over to it and racks his brain for a move to do. The clean and press, he's heard of that move before. Slowly, he gets a cloth out and starts wiping the bar bell. That's the clean done, now for the press. He puts all his weight on the bar, trying to push it further into the floor. Phew, that was hard work, but he's mastered the clean and press, now onto the hang clean....

Okay, a bit of hyperbole, but we've all come across this phenomenon! It just goes to show that there are more important things than image. If you haven't got heart, you won't last. If you don't have experience, or the help of those more experienced, you'll stand out for all the wrong reasons.

I think I'd rather trust someone who walks the walk in asda George smart price t shirts and old Gola plimsolls , than mister shiny in his bling. I just wish someone would tell all the gangster rappers.

Romans 8 Bible study note

Click on link for study note:

http://bible.us/n/ECHd nothing can separate

The North Face of God

I've been into a lot of North Face products lately. I got the Nuptse jacket a few weeks back and man - that must be the warmest jacket on the planet. I'm traditionally a berghaus guy, but after trying a few TNF products out, I have to admit, I've become a 'wilderness chic' geek.

Looking into the history of the company, the name derives itself from the phenomenon that every single mountain in the northern hemisphere has as it's most difficult and challenging side, the north face. Most routes up Everest, or K2, or Nuptse for that matter are approached at from the southern and western, and occasionally the eastern faces. But it is the truly unique adventurer who dares to brave the challenging slopes of the northern face of a mountain. Such a task requires a resolute will, a heart full of purpose, and above all, the ability not to let the seemingly impossible stand in his way.

We approach God like we approach a mountain. That is, if we've ever considered approaching God at all. For most people, the idea of going to meet God is as remote as their chances of going to meet the summit of Everest. But for those that try, many of them go for the well worn paths on the west, south or east face right in front of them. I mean, the route HAS to be trustworthy because so many people before me have used it, right? Not necessarily. Sometimes the well known routes of attending your childhood church once every blue moon, or thinking you'll be just fine with God coz your parents believe in him, turn out to be a dead end.

So what is the north face of God? It's learning to desire God for who he is, not for what you can get. It's a route of intimacy, of taking the hard path of actually experiencing God FOR YOURSELF, of having that resolute spirit that won't let anything stop you until you stand on the summit of God's love for you, and realising with every new summit reached, there is another one further in the distance that begs to be climbed, where the footsteps of the path grow fewer and fewer, but also where the experience of God's intimate friendship becomes your own personal adventure.

You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone

I was in hospital for the whole of September. It was one of the lowest points I can remember being in, at least in terms of having control over my thoughts and feelings. But one of the ways I managed to cope was by writing poetry. I hope it can bless someone other than me.

You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone

You came to visit on Friday
Picked up my soul from its place on the gutter
Walked around the world left in my way
This heart a caged bird that mindlessly flutters around, and around, with no place to go
Just like a circle of footprints in snow
You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone.

Never thought a life could shine any brighter
Never knew a face had a million smiles
When you're around every colour feels lighter
Like the sun warms the earth from a distance of miles, and miles, I don't want you to go
But to hold you is like holding rivers that flow
You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone

Every time it rains I remember the tears
Drops of salt water stinging my eyes
Falling from your face onto my fears
Taking me away from the pain that I'm left with inside
Inside, the children can play
Chasing each memory that's bursting to say
You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone

Can you spare me a thought or a dollar?
I'm a beggar that wants to be king
Of a country that's hidden in squalor
Give up everything for the joy that it brings me tonight
Tonight, you know love is dead
The moment the crown starts to slip off your head
You're leaving, I'm staying, we're gone.

Wholesome shallowness

An interesting point of view about the secular and the sacred:

http://www.konghee.com/www/2009/09/wholesome-shallowness/

First things....last.

The beginning of something like this blog is somewhat of a mystery to me, like the beginning of friendships. They say that the first twenty seconds of meeting someone determines the majority of how you perceive them for most of the relationship. That can't be right, I hope it isn't anyway! Sometimes first impressions seem so accurate. But even when the first impression is a good one, it can hinder the relationship because you become blind to their faults and shortcomings.

So I suggest you leave your first impression at the door, whether it's a good or bad one. Get to know me. Enjoy the blog. Then you can make a better decision based on truth, whether you want to be a part of it or not.